Everley's Room

When we found out we were having another baby, one of the first questions we had was Where will the new baby's nursery be? Our house has 3 rooms, 2 upstairs (our room and Tensleys room) and then the back bedroom on the main level. I have blogged before about the back bedroom, its clearly hasn't been one of my favorite rooms in the house.
I started praying about where we would put Baby Everley's room. There was only two options either her nursery would be upstairs and our bedroom would become the back bedroom. Or her bedroom would be in the back bedroom. Either way I wasn't loving the idea. After a lot of prayer and conversations with David. We decided that since our room was currently the biggest that we would stay put upstairs and Everley's nursery would be in the back bedroom. So I quickly started planning and the first thing I knew we had to do was PAINT.

In January we finally finished painting the back bedroom. I can honestly say that once the room was completely painted, I was immediately filled with joy, love, peace, and excitement. Emotions that I have not felt when walking into that room in over 5 years. Ever since we had moved into my mother's house is that God would help me become more thankful and love this home. Though more importantly to not allow the back bedroom control me or to let Satan use that room to discourage me or get me depressed. I wish I could tell you ant I have been strong in that or that I accomplished not grieving anymore when I walk into that room. But I wasn't strong. I crumbled and fell apart as I saw that room, the room that took my mother away from me. I had grown to Hate that room.

For me it was easier to allow that room to be a play, junk, office room. It was full of chaos like my emotions and when I didn't want to deal with it I would easily shut the door and forget that room existed. Simple and that.
I thought I was happy and content. According to worldly standard, I probably was. I was after all living in the house, trying to make it my own and enjoying my family. Yet that wasn't always the case. There were many "bad" days. Days that I would only function enough to get my daughter to her sitters or to school. Then I would come home and just stay in bed all day until I had to go pick up Tensley. It seemed like every Saturday I had a migraine by how our house overwhelmed me, which would again leave me in bed all day. I was wasting precious days with Tensley and David. I was honestly wasting my life and I allowed Satan to let me.

My grief wasn't good biblical grief, I never once truly poured my heart out to God. During my pregnancy I finally felt so convicted that I poured my heart out to the Lord asking for his forgiveness on the days that I had failed, asking for strengths for the days to come and for his guidance in showing me how to overcome the hatred I had toward that room.


Last year my grandmother had given us a health scare. So we quickly transformed that room from chaotic playroom to a nice bedroom for her. (You can read about that post here) Once we realized that my grandmother wouldn't be coming to live with us (She is doing much better in New Orleans, so she is putting on hold moving to VA for now). I knew this would be our little ones nursery.

Once we found out we were having another little girl, I knew I wanted her to have a pink ceiling like Tensley's room has. So I decide to have David paint the back bedroom ceiling pink and then asked him to paint the walls yellow. He wasn't 100% in love with the color scheme I had chosen, however he gave me his opinion and painted the room those colors anyways. Now that the room is completed, he loves it!

The room turned into a longer project then expected and our house was literally a huge hot mess. So one evening I offered to help him paint the walls. (No worries the windows were crack and I didn't paint long while pregnant!). He did the trim, while I took to the rolling the walls.

Friends! Can I just say that this is exactly what my heart and soul needed. I needed to be a part of the transformation of this room. To put the paint on the walls, to have the yellow cover up the sea-foam green color my mother had picked out after my Stepfather had passed. I had to make the change, to realize it's just a room. That the wall color, moments in time, furniture, or anything else doesn't define a room. It' just a room; with walls, a ceiling, a fan, lights and windows. That's it. The people that live inside those rooms of the house are what truly make it a home.

With each paint stroke, I held in the tears that I wanted to fall rom my face. I told God Thank You for allowing me to see the transformation and how to love this room again. Thanking him for being with me every step of the way during this process, for being patient with me as I would easily stumbled and fall.

So today the back bedroom that I once hated, is not a room full of bright colors. A room that is filled with amazing natural sun light that shines through it all day long. A room that I can now leave the door open too, so that I can peak into from the kitchen. A room that fills my heart with such joy and excitement about the little bundle of joy that will be occupying it in just a few short months.